Monday, July 31, 2023

A Question Of Execution, a short story published as Basil Rosa in Retreats From Oblivion The Journal Of Noircom



This story, A Question Of Exectuion, was one I published as Basil Rosa in February, 2019 in Retreats From Oblivion The Journal Of Noircom. It is one in my ongoing project of noirish stories about the fictional city of Fortuna, and also part of my full story collection, Vintage Vinyl Playlisthttps://www.fomitepress.com/vintage-vinyl-playlist.html

Here is a link to the journal and how the story appeared in its original form.

https://retreatsfromoblivion.com/2019/02/13/a-question-of-execution-by-basil-rosa/


And here is the story for you to enjoy

A QUESTION OF EXECUTION


I’d heard Tiny Aria say a million times that in Fortuna, if you scratched beneath the surface, you’d only find more surface. He laid this on me again when he phoned about the Reno Morelli kidnapping. Reno managed The Gutterball, a dive where mooks, con-men, and low-level operatives met to figure out which cops weren’t on the take and which ones had to be. Cops drank there on the sly all the time. The Gutterball was lucrative, but Reno’s legit breadwinner was the Ambrosia Banquet Room out on Highway 18 leading into the burbs.

This glitz-palace was perfect for wedding receptions, reunions, Christmas parties, and always booked six months in advance. A couple of cast-concrete lions bookended the entrance steps. In the middle of the front parking lot stood a massive fountain with a pair of cherubs lit from under the water with colored floodlights. The lobby featured a red carpet and a huge chandelier. All that was missing were a couple of slot machines. Many a made-guy earned bones as a parking valet there. I did, too, but that was eons ago.

Cherry, my girl, was the featured dancer at the Blue Moon on the night Reno disappeared. One minute, Reno was there sipping Dewar’s, the next he was gone. According to Tiny, Fortuna cops were called in and they found in our Blue Moon office a ransom note in lipstick, with a number, a time to phone and the words one cool million.

Tiny managed the Blue Moon with me. I’d been out that night at a Fortuna State basketball game watching my nephew pull down rebounds. Tiny, along with Cherry and a new dancer named Vera, had been taken into FPD custody and hammered with questions. What time had they last seen Reno, for how long in his employ, did they recall anything suspicious before his disappearance? They ID’d his car, a white Lexus with gold trim, still in the parking lot. Cops phoned his wife. She said he wasn’t home. For a professional mobster, Reno was known as a straight-up operator, had very few enemies, so this was a surprise.

Reno was a sly silver fox, a capo. Tiny feared he’d been whacked. What happened between those in the upper echelons was seldom the business of those like Tiny and me who served them. Cherry and Vera spoke of Reno as a “giving” boss. Tiny described him as a “charitable man” who contributed to the policemen’s benevolent fund and the firemen’s ball and offered regular bonuses to his kitchen staff at the Ambrosia. He threw parties for his workers, treated them to prime rib and lobster and all the Asti they could drink.

Cherry’s line was priceless: “Why would anyone want to hurt such a kind man?”

For all his admirable qualities, I could have given a dozen reasons, but nobody was asking me. So, after hearing from Tiny, I started snooping and learned Reno had recently invested in a new enterprise, a neo-food restaurant called Cut that was being managed by a Yakuza operative named Taka and funded by both Yakuza and Russian interests. His capo status meant nothing to them.

For the most part, Reno was a gentleman and a lady’s man. He got along well with players from other mobs. His secret, he once told me, was respect, of course, and that he stayed away from narcotics and guns. Running a dive and a banquet hall and paying off cops was old-school diplomacy that didn’t carry enough cred to make one feared. This gave me one more reason to wonder why anyone would even bother with Reno.

Cut featured a nouveau-styled cuisine that attorneys on diets tended to like. When I asked Cherry if she’d eaten there—and she had—she told me her drizzled-with-miso-Asian-inspired steak entree had looked like an angle Picasso might have used for one of his cubist renderings. Gotta love Cherry’s esoteric humor.

Word had gotten out, so I went to Cut to poke around. I spoke to Taka directly and got his permission. None of his doormen, kitchen or wait staff knew anything out of the ordinary. I phoned or else visited some of Reno’s so-called friends and associates, including his wife by his second marriage (he was on his third), and then I dropped in on old friend Danny Hernandez of the Fortuna police. Danny suspected that Reno owed money to people from out of town. Who didn’t? Yet he, too, was surprised this had happened.

Danny was a sweetheart. A cop on the take, but he had mouths to feed. “Reno tended to keep a low profile. Makes no sense.”

“But he’s had his share of enemies,” I said. “Maybe someone’s back in town.”

From what I could glean from Danny, the FPD had no plans to assign a detective to the case. The file on Reno would stay open and leads would be gathered and assessed. All par for the course. This was a mob kidnapping. Let the mob handle it.

Was it the mob? I didn’t think so. I then phoned another cop crone from days gone by, one Sergeant Theo Marvin; we’d bowled in a league together at Fortune Star Lanes, one of only three remaining alleys in the city. Theo was a heck of a bowler and headed up the Fortune Hill precinct house. He told me, “Don’t take this the wrong way, my friend. I know Reno wasn’t always exemplary in his business dealings, but you got crummier fish to fry.”

“What you mean? Take matters into my own hands?”

“How you do it is your business. All I know is they found some new evidence. Jake Zane’s sentence got reduced. There’s just no evidence. He’s out on parole.”

A blessing from Theo. Jake Zane had been in stir for at least a nickel and I’d forgotten about him. He was the brother of Reno’s second wife. He’d botched a warehouse heist for Reno in which a young cop, a black man with a wife and three kids, had been shot dead in the chest. There’d been a huge outcry for justice, but nobody knew the perp and there was no way Reno would take the fall. Since Jake Zane had been there and, essentially, in charge, Reno snitched on him. By doing so, Reno cleared his name and made the cops look good. What I knew about that warehouse job was that three men, including Jake, had been hired. I didn’t know the names or whereabouts of the other two. One of them had been the perp. Not Jake.

I started on the phone with Reno’s second wife, Brigid, Jake’s sister. I begged her, explaining that her brother was in deep trouble and I could maybe help him. She agreed, with reluctance, to meet me at Scarlet O’Hara’s.

“He wanted out, he got out,” she said. She didn’t want to order a drink, or to stay long.

“I know about Reno. It’s your brother I want. You think he’s around? Who’s he run with? He got a girl?”

She said Jake was always wild and even the likes of Reno couldn’t keep up with him. “He likes the high drama.”

“So, then a kidnapping does fit. Doesn’t it?”

She shrugged. “What kidnapping? It’s your stinkin’ world, not mine. You got five more minutes with me. You do know, how much I despise you, right?”

I used those minutes wisely, describing what had happened. She admitted that she genuinely doubted her brother’s sanity.

“Jake never grew up. He thought working for Reno was the be-all and end-all. It was sordid. I’m glad Reno dumped me for some tramp. That man was never faithful. I have no idea what Jake saw in him. Or what I did, either.”

“Money, that’s what. You got a nice house out of the divorce settlement, didn’t you?”

“Bet your ass, I did. Had it coming to me. But the smartest thing was that he and I never had kids together. He learned his lesson from his first marriage.”

“You think they got something to do with this?”

“His kids? No. He took care of them. Money-wise, anyways. Domenic, his son, he’s still around Fortuna. His daughter, I don’t know. She’s long gone. I never got that close to them.”

“You sure you ain’t seen Jake around?”

“Even if I had, you think I’d tell you?”

I got the picture. She wasn’t stupid. She rose and started to leave. Then she stopped. “But Jake, he was the one Reno was closest to. They had a real almost father-son bond.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I was even a little jealous of it. Kinda gay almost. But not gay. You know, Jake and me, we lost our father early. Maybe Reno fit that role for him.”

“But why kidnapping?”

“Why else? You said so yourself. Money. Jake was locked up, took the blame, had his name smeared all over the city as a possible cop killer, even though there wasn’t any evidence. His friendship with Reno was something he valued. How much now I can’t say. I just know for sure that Jake loved him very much.”

“At one time, anyway, right?”

She nodded. I thanked her and asked if I could speak with her again, if necessary. She said not a chance. She was leaving town for a while. “Sordid,” she said. “I’ve had it up to here with everything sordid.”

Many a cop in Fortuna was now on the hunt for Jake Zane. He had to be our man. I phoned Fortuna Savings where he’d worked as a teller before getting entangled with Reno. I got lucky and showed up before any cops had. There was one manager who’d been there with Jake years ago and after I spoke with him face to face, he agreed to give me five minutes. His name was Arthur Brand.

“When Jake was here working for you, did he have a girl?”

“He had a few, I suppose, but there was one, yeah, she’d even come by now and then.”

That girl’s name was Nina Dart, a former model now a buyer for a clothing boutique on the city’s tony west side. Arthur guessed they’d been together about eight years, maybe more. He found her Facebook page for me, complete with her address and current status—single. She still looked hot to trot, too. I kissed old Arthur on his bald head as I thanked him, adding, “I only took five minutes. A deal’s a deal.”

I beat it out of there before he could even reply. I was no genius, but I knew where I’d find Jake Zane. I did more searching online and found it obvious that Nina spent lavishly on clothes and visits to fashion shows. I phoned Danny, calling in a favor, asking if he’d look up her record. We learned she’d been busted once for possession of a controlled substance. Danny guessed if not cocaine then amphetamines, used commonly enough among models. I shared with Danny what I knew. It wasn’t much, but it was more than he had and he was grateful.

“Get you the bust on Jake Zane kidnapper,” I told him. “Might even merit you a promotion.”

He liked hearing that. I told him to phone Theo, as well, to fill him in, but not to use my name. Then I tracked down Reno’s son, Domenic, who owned a dry-cleaning business, conveniently enough for me, not far from Nina’s west side address. I’d met Domenic a few times and he recognized me when I walked in. He’d put on weight and lost some hair and he balked, at first, until I told him his old man was still alive and that I was determined to find him. He liked hearing that, but he was justly skeptical.

“I didn’t know there was so much honor among thieves.”

“There isn’t, Dom. It’s why he was nipped. I think he’s tied up in an apartment just down the street from here.”

I told him about Jake Zane and Nina and this put him at ease because he knew as much about them as I did, if not more. He’d been closer to his mother, who’d died of cancer, and it was her death that had kept him in Fortuna and helped him grow closer to his father and Brigid. He explained that when Reno and Jake Zane were first starting out together, Jake was dating Nina, but she wanted him to move to the west coast so she could get into television. Jake had convinced her to stay, promising her he’d be owning at least one lucrative local restaurant and a fancy bar and maybe a modeling agency once he and Reno finished some business together.

“Jake was smart,” said Domenic. “No strip-tease-dump and drug-dealing tycoon. He wanted no part of that. He wanted to marry Nina. I think she wanted that, too. There was a time when I went out with all of them, me and my wife and Brigid and Dad. It was good for a while.”

“But I think your old man got in the way, didn’t he?”

Domenic shrugged. “If you mean, was he sleeping with Nina, yeah, probably.”

“My guess is that Jake didn’t even learn that until after he went to prison.”

“What’s the word?” asked Domenic. “Motive? My Dad isn’t stupid. He just let Nina go.”

“He was her Sugar Daddy, nothing Jake could be.”

“She was a handful. And expensive. Still, Dad was generous to her maybe just to keep her quiet. I think she was ungrateful and got bored with him.”

“And Jake, young and ambitious, must have been furious when he learned that about your father.”

“Sleep with canines,” said Domenic. “Wake up with fleas.”

***

A kidnapping. A high-stakes gambit and not a choice any amateur should make. All a question of execution. Too many steps are required. Snare the hostage. Pick up the ransom. They’re better for cop TV programs and more common than they should be. I think they speak to the ignorance of many a two-bit criminal. At least with a hit, you know a pro is getting paid. The job gets done. How well and when and for how much money are other questions.

I shared these ruminations with Tiny and Cherry over Moo Shi Chicken at the Dragon Lantern House. Danny had received another call from me and I’d convinced him to send over boots to watch Nina’s place. Sure enough, after a week of surveillance they saw Jake Zane open the front door one night to pay for a pizza delivery order. They sent in a team, stormed the place and while Nina screamed, Jake went for his Glock and was killed immediately. They found Reno drinking Dewar’s and watching ESPN highlights in the basement.

Turned out, Reno was in on the ruse from the start. He owed Taka money, with interest, for Cut, which was not turning its expected profit. He also owed to other interests, so he’d hatched a plan. He understood that Jake was furious with him, having learned he’d had a long-term fling with Nina. Jake could forgive Nina, he loved her, but he couldn’t forgive Reno, who he felt had twice betrayed him. Reno, always smooth, convinced Jake they’d all get fat on ransom money. But kidnappings are too complex and rarely go as planned, even for someone with Reno’s experience.

“Who’d they intend to get the ransom from? That’s the problem,” said Tiny. “I mean, I know Reno’s made, a true player, but there’s a lot of little spokes on one big wheel and a cool million don’t come easy. And he’s like all of us. Disposable.”

“Tiny, I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

I watched Tiny curse, having spilled soy sauce on his new tie.

“Just take it off,” Cherry told him. “Loosen up.”

“Do that,” I said. “I’ll get it dry-cleaned for you. I know a good place.”

Tiny took our advice. He ordered another round of Mai Tais. The three of us continued eating. Reno would do country-club time. Nina was a widow and one cop’s murder remained unsolved, though the people of Fortuna would accept Jake had been guilty, after all. I was just glad to still be alive on the food chain. Cherry leaned against me and ran her hand along my thigh. For March in Fortuna, the night felt warm.


Keepers Meet Questing Eyes, a collection of poems published by Leaf Garden Press

Keepers Meet Questing Eyes is the largest collection of poems I've published to date, and one of the three editor Robert Louis Henry brought to life at Leaf Garden Press. Here is the link: 

https://leafgardenpress.blogspot.com/2014/07/keepers-meet-questing-eyes-by-john.html




Poet and fiction writer, Maria Mazziotti Gillan, who has won the American Book Award, and the AWP's George Garrett Award, wrote the following about this collection: 

In Keepers Meet Questing Eyes, John Flynn provides us with a book of poems that explores the connections between the human and natural world, between love and loss. This is a book that engages the reader and shows us the other hidden parts of ourselves and our lives. Truly, the poems in this book are a blessing.


Here is the book's acknowledgments page:


Acknowledgments 

These poems appeared, sometimes in slightly different forms, in the following publications: 


“The Empty Bed Of A Sixteen-Year-Old Girl” in Brevities “Gin And Post-Mortems” in Laughing Dog

 “Please Do, Artist Friend”, “At A Shotgun Wedding” in By The Overpass 

“There Will Be Renewal” in Century 121 

“Yesterday, Today, City”, “Goodnight, San Francisco” in Nain Rouge 

“Marking Time In Providence” in Interrobang! 

“Class Envy On Constitution Road” in Freshwater 

“Freight Trains Once Lanced This Ave & Unloaded” in San Pedro River Review 

“Peaks Of Otter” in Litbomb 

“Even As We Sweeten Like Molasses Rum” in Nebo 

“Dragonflies In Sunbeam”, “Breathe Until Your Light Be Hysterical”, “Karma Avenue Central”, “Nana Celia’s Recipe For The Miraculous”, “Rare Pure Listening” in HIP 

“Peasant Women Along The Road Carry Centuries” in Two-Thirds North 

“A Trio of Shells” in Umbrella 

“Some Mentor You Whether They Want To Or Not” and "Bogs And Allegations" in Naugatuck River Review 

“Seeking Wild Strawberries Along Back Roads” in YB 

“Cash” in One Trick Pony 

“Smog Cutter” in The Iconoclast 

“So”, “Kirk And Dolphy And Constant Practice” in Ibbetson Street 

“Sea Change On Route 101” in Arsenic Lobster 

“Olneyville” in Gutter Eloquence 

“Speed Drill” in The Delinquent 

“He Held On And She Kept Saying Time To Go” in Microstory A Week 

“Carnal-O-Poly”, “ModerNova” in Cacti 

“Consideration” in The Siren Speaks 

“Heath” in Leodegraunce 

“Cove Below Capitola”, “Out Of Jade”, “stoic dry serene” in Gobbet 

“One-Word Names For New Rain-Soaked Saviors” in The Dying Goose 

“So Much History In One Missing Limb” in Paterson Review 

“Suburbanites Never Come Down Here” in Tenement Block Review 

“Super Flea” in The Centrifugal Eye 

“To Cordoba, Then, Ceramic Spur” in Word Riot 

“Rolling A Hubcap Down Allens Avenue In Providence” in Chuffed Books: A City Anthology 

“Soldier At Ironing Board”, “Teenager Grappling, Chimerical”, “Seismic” in Milk And Honey Siren

 “Henceforth As Candidate For President Of The Sublimely Ridiculous” in Sacred Fools: An Anthology

 “I Woke Up And The Show Was Over”, “Metro Retro Millennial B-Girl Makes Her Way Home” in Fractal 

“The Nile For Sale”, “Wharf Rat In The Seamen’s Institute”, “Exile’s Night” in The Rampallian 

“Home Is One Corner Of A Round Room”, “Hungers”, “Soft Asphalt For Bubble Gum” in Dagda

 “Average Doughnut Three-Decker Life And Giuseppe”, “Diamond Rain” in Ginger Piglet. 

“Three Women On A Farm In Southern Missouri” in Dewpoint. 

“Mariesville” in Bareroot

And here is a sample poem from the collection


A Wedding Ring 


What I can offer as the best of me is this yes 

 that like a musical flourish crests and fades

 to free all the lambs in my constellations. 


Let’s talk of the lags that marked your adolescence, 

succulence you drew from pomegranates, 

the way you used a sunflower as compass. 


This equator around my finger speaks the gratitude I feel 

for your sullen eyes and long dark roads, 

waves we’ve left in morning sheets – 


While we lie within each other 

let’s truncate the litany of mistakes 

that shamed our fathers and mothers


as they dreamed, as they labored.

Saturday, July 29, 2023

Meet Tony Sturtevant, visual artist

TONY STURTEVANT


Tony is a Native American artist working in all mediums, creating sketches and drawings and collages influenced by his tribal heritage, his political perspective, and his passion for other cultures. He's also a long-time ESL instructor, and a well-travelled ex-pat who's been living in Turkey for over a decade. While colleagues at TED University in Ankara, we collaborated on four book covers together, three novels and one book of poems.

Here is a link to his Profile site on Redbubble, where some of his images can be purchased:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/bereketlearning/shop#profile

Here is a sample of his work:


This is an early image, untitled


This is titled Angkor Wat



This Art Nouveau Beauty was used for the cover of my novel, Milk Blossom Pushes Free


Behind The Veil, a postcard


Ben In The Garden


Blue Horse Out Of Black


Buffalo Skull


Che Guevara


Burning Man Skulls on a tote bag


The Awakening Part Two. This was used for the cover of my novel, Witness Marks


Sunflower. This was used for the cover of my novel, God Wore Denim


Dad's Trophy


Flower


Frog

Guatemala Skull


Mother And Child


Ottoman Man, a postcard


Pitcher Plant, a collage


Rajastan Boy


War Pony



Ram Ornament


Takes Five, A Crow Indian


The Messenger, a tote bag


Writers


Self-Portrait In Pow Wow Outfit

Restless Vanishings, a book of poetry published by Leaf Garden Press




Restless Vanighsing was the second book of poetry, out of three, that Robert Louis Henry published at Leaf Garden Press. Here is a link: https://leafgardenpress.blogspot.com/2017/03/restless-vanishings-by-john-michael.html

Here is the book's Acnowledgments page:

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

 

Vox Poetica “Thaw At Lake Quinsigamond”

Rive Gauche “We Listened To The Baghdad Five-Day”

Sahara “Stylishly Exacting Executions Done Of Olden Times In Collaboration With Ye Of

            Faith”, “Color, Dolor, Urbane”, “Among Branches”, and “Emerald Moves Along The

            Blackstone”, “Mister Westall’s Good Knife”, “Beehive Bill”

Mothwing Arts “Of Grouse And Crow And Wild Turkey”

Interpoezia “Authentic”

Rockhurst Review “Rattling Into Compromise”

Street Sighns: An Anthology “Mulcahey’s Pub Under The Merit Sigh”, and “What I Knows Best

Is The Kenmore Dinah At 3:30 A.M.”

I-70 Review “Sea Dog On A Backyard Bender”

PoetsUSA “Average Leo, The River, And A Doughnut”

Providence Journal “Rumors Of Blues”

The Issue “Dink Pascuali Answers All Concerns Regarding The Rat Race Question”

Ibbetson Street Press “Automat, Peep-O-Ram, A Token”, “In Praise Of Boston Aunts”

Against Agamemnon; An Anthology “Lady Terrorist Slays Lady Soldier And Herself”

Somerville News “Gathering Contradictions In A Cheap Room”

Crash “Our Eyes Roamed Over Hills”, and “Roberto’s Barbershop And Overnight Trains To

            Palooka Ville”

Spillway “Monterey Dissolve”, “Passion Tension Mansion Pension”

Naugatuck River Review, and MO: Writings From The River “Big Red Sideburns”

Boiling River “Color Spectrum Thoughts On Racism At A Traffic Light”, and “In The Small Of

            Her Back Another Illusion Sets Sail”

Hot Metal Bridge “Dirty Just Got Off The Bus”

Stone’s Throw Magazine “On A T-Ride Home From Boston”

Pudding International “Flames Wiped Out Third Base Last Stop Before Home”, “Chums At The

Grange”

Journal Of Modern Literature “Of Flivver Kings And Mesmerists”

Larcom Review “Wormtown Butch Out Of Jail”, and “Constellations Advance”

Red River Review “Sunshine Dried Fuzzy Navels”

Worcester Review, and The Book Of Irish American Poetry From 18th Century To The Present

            “Pow Wow At Greenbriar”

Kaleidoscope “The Mishe Mokwa Trail”, “Wheels And Blades”

Serving House Journal “Arboreal”, “Neo Malibu Barbie Shares Face Time With Sergeant Rock

The Third At La Tazza”

DuPage Review “Locals Label Him Disengaged And Malevolent”

Brevities #33 “Olive”

Muddy River Review “Eclipses”, “Once Said Is Enough”, “Last Will And Testament”

Clackamas Literary Review “I Was Thirteen”

Red Wolf Journal “Chasing A River’s Shadowplay”

Stone Path Review “Tonka Truck”

Dewpoint “Constancy”

Beetroot “Re-Tooled Nights And Ambiguous Yarns”

Modern Poetry Quarterly Review “Splinter, Rail, Couch”, “A Daughter’s Safety, A Father’s Patience”

Nailed “Big Light On Double Bed”


John Michael Flynn’s language dazzles to a very real end: the exploration and delineation of the free-floating breakdown known as “America.” The range of tones and locales he uses is impressive but more impressive is the feeling invested in what almost inevitably slips through time’s fingers. Anyone wondering where the Whitmanesque impulse has gone need look no further than this encompassing book.

—Baron Wormser 


Here's one poem from the collection


Big Red Sideburns

 

Seems to me that men seldom speak of what’s happened.

They speak around it. They trust the broken, silent places.

Words cheapen the muscle of what’s left to memory.

In this regard, what breathes between father and son, I wonder?

I remember at sixteen how I watched him in awe

Trimming those sideburns with narrow-bladed shears

As he prepared for the nation’s bicentennial,

The year men in Worcester County agreed to wear beards,

And some sported Kaiser Wilhelm umbrella mustaches

That would have made any local furrier proud.

The year we rode in a parade to celebrate the city

Waving from the company car all the way down Main

Into Webster Square, my brothers and me marveling

That people waved back from the tenement windows

In the city’s poorer sections and my mother with a note

Of pity called them shut-ins and downtown Worcester

Seemed full of such infirm window-sill dreamers.

Now, the yearling in me continues mining who we’ve been.

I’ve chased skipping stones back and forth across the country

Waking on this day in my forties, still not there but trying.

You are here with me, still my father, and I’m still in awe

Of those sideburns. I know well this shaving mirror.

It was yours once, and it frightens and mends.

I imagine your reflection in it, patient and unbending

Eyes, a serene stoicism, your reluctance to sound

A lot of bluster in argument, choosing instead to act

As your reflection does now, as host, telescope and lift.

Like the still hopeful regret in a hand waving at a parade

I can remember every word never spoken between us. 

The Prison Of Facts, an essay published in Palooka magazine

 This essay can be found in my collection, How The Quiet Breathes https://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Breathes-John-Michael-Flynn/dp/0999461796


 


The Prison of Facts

 

 

 

 

During pre-Euro, EU, and let’s-build-a-wall days that some of us still remember fondly, Japanese tourists were flocking to Germany, outnumbered only by Americans. After mingling among them in bus-tour groups as they shot with SLRs and Instamatics various snaps of the Cologne cathedral, I’d had enough. I wasn’t the raw, original soul-seeker I’d fancied myself to be, so I chose to remedy this by following the Rhine by train to Koblenz. I selected this destination because I liked the sound of the city’s name. I was young, fit, energetic, and convinced serendipity, not planning, was one’s best ally when it came to travel.


Journal at the ready, I marveled at mist shrouding an occasional castle set into hills above the Rhine. It was dark and raining when my train arrived to Koblenz. Unsure I wanted to stay there, I dawdled in a phone booth awhile to keep dry. After returning to the train station to study a posted schedule, I chose an express to Munich where I spent hours sipping bottles of Spatengold in a billiard hall, musing over the movies I’d direct, the women I’d meet, the money I’d make, and whether it had been a mistake to fly solo to Europe with a meagre budget and spare knowledge of any language other than English. As a nineteen-year-old, I hadn’t yet realized I was a cliché—didn’t know what I wanted from life and believed I’d find it through meandering outside of myself on another continent. However, I did feel keenly aware it was a luxury to spend time abroad, using my own hard-earned savings to process doubts and fulfill hungers. Most of my friends back home, if not in college or the military, were stuck in low-paying, unattractive jobs.


Regardless of my many oh-so-urgent concerns regarding my value to the world, the night passed, as it tends to do. It was cold—mid-December—I wanted to save Deutschmarks, so I slept on newspapers I laid under a tree in one of Munich’s parks. I curled into a ball, kept my head inside my sleeping bag, and breathed into my fists. Shivering, I fought a hunger that gnawed. I rose now and then to relieve myself and to walk off the ache in my kidneys. 


 After enduring such a night, I figured there was nothing I couldn’t handle. I spent another two days wandering Munich, sleeping in the same park, grateful it didn’t snow. I visited museums where I stayed warm and dry and napped on various benches while taking lessons in composition from the massive mural paintings of Reubens. 


I’d learned little about Bavaria or Germany. Was there


a difference? I was to blame. I hadn’t acquainted


myself with any Germans. Hadn’t spoken to anyone,


making extra sure to avoid Americans, easily spotted,


who, like me, frequented sites tourists were expected


to visit. 


Feet wet, nose runny, resenting the growing suspicion that I was my own worst enemy, I described in my journal my reactions to the works of European painters, many of whom I was discovering for the first time. I listed names, dates, countries of origin, titles of masterworks, and unique qualities I thought justified reputations. From Hals to Durer, I vowed to continue learning about them once I returned to the States. I couldn’t paint, but I could use a camera and light to capture what a human face might express. This understanding, be it the depth in a glance, the angle of a tilted forehead, or the secret in a smile, defined an essential and lasting human element. Coupled with an elevated sense of craft, it lifted any image above the norm into what I found myself venerating as the magical realm of art. 


I also found myself jotting down memories from childhood and high school days. This frustrated me because I thought I should only be using my journal to explain city streets, architecture, and art I’d witnessed. I should have stayed home if I wanted to write about where I’d been.


Dreary worries about my future compounded my loneliness. I stared, anguished, at my reflection in a train station window. What would all this sojourning lead to? It didn’t seem right to travel for the sake of staying in motion. My journey had to amount to something. Yet a part of me took pride in the way I rolled along, fancied myself a gypsy, brushed off the fact that so many, back in America, had mortgaged their lives to car loans, picket fences, and delusions of security. None of those conventional banalities for this champion of the road. 


To prove it, I boarded an all-nighter to Vienna, sharing a compartment with two florid women whose double chins reminded me of the cheery faces I’d seen in many German paintings. Animated, a gleam in their eyes, they spoke with hand gestures and big grins. They were from Austria and insisted I eat with them. From a travel bag, they spread a towel over our shared seat, delighting in my appetite. I feasted on hard rolls, salami, sharp cheeses, little cakes, sugary cookies, and chocolate-covered cherries. Showing a maternal pride, they watched me drink glass after glass of a semisweet white wine until I became woozy. My face flushed, my belly full, I had to hold the ache in my ribs as I laughed with them, astounded by how much I’d eaten. 


Eventually, I dozed off. I didn’t see them wrap their leftovers in cloth napkins and store them in a canvas bag. When ready to sleep, they roused me, and together we pulled out seat bottoms that met at their front edges to turn the compartment into a small bedroom. We three slept side by side, each curled under a blanket. The train arrived at eight a.m.


I welcomed the bite in Vienna’s morning air and the


crystals that frosted tree limbs in parks, dripped off


the windows of trolley cars, and slid in rising sunshine


down steep cathedral roofs. I sauntered without aim,


grateful to the women, wishing I’d written down their


names and had been able to thank them in their 


language. They’d stayed on the train. I regretted the


stiffness I’d shown when saying goodbye. Guarded,


liking my reticence too much, at the very least I


should have taken their picture. 



I leaned my head back and let light snowfall tickle my tongue. Recalling The Third Man, a favorite movie, I imagined myself Harry Lime, reputedly dead, but not really, existing anonymously. Nobody in the world knew my whereabouts. 


As it fell against my lips, I reveled in the lustrous brilliancy of fresh snow. I watched it gather to transform a statue of Strauss holding a violin. It swept windows and rooftops into the kind of incandescent winter dreamscape I’d imagined when a child. I rode trolley cars, not knowing my destination. I loved how they squealed and sent off sparks. One time, a driver had to stop to use a long pole to relink a steel connector that had run off its overhead rail. 


I spent a few days following suggestions in my guidebook, eating in wine cellars where the servers spoke English. I spent blissful and maudlin hours craning my neck skyward in cathedrals or absorbing in awe the paintings of Bruegel and Bosch. The genius of those two painters astounded me. I had a newfound passion. No matter my future, art would play a role. 


I wrote in my journal: 


Before film, the pictorial universe was rendered


sublimely by hand on canvas and wood. I should view


the classic paintings of the world to develop an


informed sense of line, color, and composition. All


that is modern should be judged with skepticism. The


modern shocks, untested by time, and is too often a


tight-lipped celebration of minimalism and reduction.


Am I pretentious for thinking this? I don’t think so.


The worst fakes are those practitioners who sprint to


the church of Modernism without pausing to be


humbled by all that’s come before them. 

 

Snow fell each day, at times fluffy and shot through with sun. At other times leaden, it brought a gloom that darkened my mood to match the slate of a low sky. Unwashed, tired, I abandoned my budget in favor of more wine, hot sausages, and bread, feasting until drowsy and then walking off my stupor through slush in the early twilight along one of Vienna’s many sidewalks. I didn’t know the name of any streets or boulevards or parks. I craved each moment without the prison of facts. If I spent my life studying art, only one fact was needed, and it stated that everyone’s future remained a mystery, so why bother with plans and preparations.


Trolley cars whined past. I didn’t know where they were bound for or which neighborhood I was in. I thought of Joseph Cotton again, the actor who played Harry Lime in Carol Reed’s brilliant film. Every celebrated film director found malleable actors to work with many times. Welles had done so with Cotton. Griffiths with Gish. Scorsese with De Niro.


To save money, instead of taking a room, I paid for a key to a locker for my backpack, an encumbrance which made little sense in the city. I slept on a dry bench where it was safe as long as policemen didn’t find me. I woke each day before morning rush hour, my back sore, to watch ashen light seep through the station’s high cathedral windows. I loosened up as I poked about and got out of the station before commuters arrived, all the while shaking off night stiffness in my joints. As Harry Lime must have discovered, I learned that Vienna hosted plenty of ghosts. They longed for companionship, and I was happy to oblige them, but what I really needed was someone to talk to and touch. That’s when I remembered Janet. She’d said I reminded her of a character in a Michener novel called The Drifters that was popular at that time. I’d never read that book or author, though it seemed everyone else had. Janet was classy, educated, a little older than me, already had her bachelor’s. She’d studied Europe’s history, architecture, and art. She’d found me amusing, too, called me a creative spirit. We’d hit it off over beers in Amsterdam. I’d told her I questioned everything and liked to imagine the way life should be, but because of that even my mother scolded me for living in Dreamland. 


Wasn’t Janet out of my league? She was, and


hooking up with her meant surrendering to facts.


Okay, I’d do it, I was too lonely. I read my guidebook,


learning a little about Switzerland and the destination


she’d mentioned, Grindelwald, a ski resort near a trio


of alpine peaks: the Eiger, Wetterhorn, and the


Schreckhorn, which stood highest of the three at


roughly 13,000 feet. I’d always been too poor and


clumsy to ski, but if Janet was there, as she’d said, I


was convinced she’d welcome me. We’d eat fondue


and later make love. I was scripting the romantic


movie we would soon star in. After all, she’d tendered


an invitation. 


A variety of trains would take me first to Interlaken. Once there, I could board a local that ran high into the Alps, stopping only at Grindelwald. This local departed once in the morning and in the evening.


When I arrived at Interlaken, dusk had settled, and


snow angled eerily out of the gloom. Alone on a


platform, having learned it was the last stop, I began


to fear the scheduled local to Grindelwald wouldn’t


come. I halted a man in a parka who was crossing the


platform and asked him. He spoke French. Using lively


gestures, he explained that snowfall had prompted the


train’s early departure. He thrust an arm forward to


emphasize deep into the mountains. He paused for a


moment. His eyes blossomed. He said he’d give me a


ride to the train’s next scheduled stop. We’d beat the


train there and he’d drop me off.


Elated by such generosity, I did my best to express my gratitude in fourth-grade French. I hopped into his little pickup and off we bumped along a narrow road. I didn’t say a word. Nor did he ask questions. Silent goodwill brewed between us. I tried to see out my window through falling snow. He drove, determined, as if he knew God smiled down on him for such a deed. 


We pulled up to a platform shaped like a pagoda. We waited until we saw the approaching beacon of the train’s nose, a pencil-shaped lance filled with luminous snow. It reminded me of the lens light spiking the darkness in the projection-room scene of Citizen Kane. 


The man exclaimed in French, “Hurry, hurry.” 


I stumbled along with my backpack, thanking him as I bounded into the train. Again, I’d forgotten to get a name. When would I learn to value the lives of these kind strangers, rather than just obsess over my emotions upon meeting them? I hoped that the generous Frenchman would understand, but I didn’t like regretting my consistent lack of selflessness.


On board, panting, I dropped to a wooden bench not unlike one I’d slept on in Vienna. The train felt chilly and appeared empty of passengers. Still, I had to smile. All forces of benevolence were working in my favor. My visit to Janet was meant to be. I sat back and closed my eyes as the train began to roll. The vent below my seat provided more noise than warmth, but this beat another night in a station. Doubts, however, began to grow. Since Janet didn’t know I was coming, there was a chance she wouldn’t be there. Nope. I shouldn’t think about the calculated risk I was taking. Better to dream big while gazing out a window at the majestic Alps. 


Dusk had turned to night. I couldn’t see a thing. Frost had begun to cover the black glass of each window. Not one passenger. How strange. I wondered why. I dozed a while, surprised no conductor had asked me to purchase a ticket. When I awoke, I felt chilled to the bone, my fingers and toes numb. My throat felt scratchy as I breathed air that had become thinner, damper, more frigid. The train car creaked and chortled so slowly that I assumed the tracks were covered in places with increasingly dense, drifting snow.


The wagon I rode in reminded me of an old subway car. Air drafts whistled through gaps and seams. Now and then, high swirling winds sounded soft explosions that shook the wagon. At times, the climb got so steep that my back felt pinned to my cold, hard seat. Increasingly leaner air pressure began to needle my eardrums. No shared body heat or conversation distracted me. I rolled my shoulders and blew into my fists. What had I gotten myself into? I had to act. I couldn’t sit still. I took off my boots, dried my feet, and changed my socks. I scribbled oddball phrases in my journal until my fingers grew stiff and I fell asleep, the journal spilling to the floor.


 When I awoke, shivering, my nose and ears felt burnt with cold. I searched between seats until I found my journal. Pages were wet, the ink of my scribbles blurred. Little piles of snow had formed on seats where some windows, though closed, hadn’t sealed completely. This local wagon wasn’t a showpiece in tourist-oriented Switzerland, but I shouldn’t dwell on that. What I needed were gloves, a scarf, long underwear—none of which were in my backpack. 


Had to move, get the blood flowing. Maybe I’d find someone in the next wagon. It was a short train, only two wagons and the locomotive. I hurried to the door leading to the second wagon, but I couldn’t open it. Through the yellowish light of a square window I saw the second wagon was also empty. I remained the only passenger, and it was still snowing. Winds gusted higher, more frequently, the air sharper. This wasn’t just heavy snowfall. It was a blizzard in the Swiss Alps. What would I do when, and if, I arrived? The train creaked, struggling along as if sounding my despair. Snow continued slashing the windows. I paced the wagon and dropped into different seats, feeling dread, despondent, asking myself what on earth I had done.




Wanda Coleman, a Memorial Tribute

  Wanda Coleman 1946 – 2013 In That Other Fantasy Where We Live Forever we were never caught we partied the southwest, smoked it from L.A. t...